Feb 09 2014

Fading away

scalesI’m on a diet.

Not that I want to be.

Or need to be.

OK, I may be a tad* over my fighting weight but I’m fairly comfortable with it.

No, the reason I am on a diet, is because Mrs Masher is on a diet. And, for some reason, when she is cooking herself a nice yummy plateful of boiled rice and celery, she refuses to do me sausage, egg and chips.

With fried bread.

And some more chips, please.

No, while she’s stuffing Ryvita sandwiches down her gullet, in a desperate attempt to get into last year’s jeans, I too am having to suffer tasteless meals that have fewer calories than a Weight Watchers pencil.

Of course, it won’t do me any harm to lose a couple of pounds. When I last checked myself against one of them BMI charts, it suggested that I was a bit short for my weight.  I should actually be 7’9″.


* 1 tad = two stone



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  1. Toffeeapple

    Poor you, I’ve never tried to diet but I imagine it must hurt. ~ good luck Old Bean.

  2. Dave

    I’m exactly the right weight for someone of my size.

  3. Juliette

    I’m just eating a sausage and egg cob. The yolk is really runny and perfect and dripping down my chin. And mixed with just the right amount of brown sauce it tastes.. scrumptious. After that I’m having milk and white chocolate cookies that have just been baked at Sainsbury’s. Washed down with a nice lager shandy :)

    But you stick to your diet, ok ;P

  4. Masher

    TA – don’t wish me luck… send me food parcels! Or not (see below).

    Dave – I’ve always said that. “That Dave”, I say, “He’s just the right weight… ”

    Jules – You didn’t give me the chance to ask “Red sauce, brown sauce or no sauce at all”.

    I think I should point out here that my dieting extends only as far as when Mrs M is doing the cooking. When I’m fending for myself, boy do I fend.

  5. Brennig

    Oh how I laughed, you funny funghi!

    Anyway. My simple mantra:

    Sausage sandwich = brown sauce.
    Bacon sandwich = red sauce.
    Fried egg sandwich = no sauce at all.

    To reiterate, the sooner the weather breaks and you and I do breakfast, the better.

  6. Annie (Lady M) x

    Very funny indeed Mash! Diets are pants. I would rather wear Jeans that are a tad too small than forgo my curries and pizzas.

  7. Masher

    Bren – Indeed. Or maybe I should just man up a bit.

    Annie – They’re not too small, Annie, they’re snug.

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