Jan 25 2014

It’s not quite a Jag-u-ar

Even though I like driving in my car, it’s not been a fun week for me, travelling-wise.

On Wednesday, I had to go to Guildford – a journey of about 60 miles, so,  not too bad.  But my heart sank as I approached the M1 and all I could see was a sea of red taillights ahead of me.

I turned on the wireless and listened to the banal local radio presenter and his idiot phone-in audience whittering on for about ten minutes before they eventually read out the travel news.

After talking about some roadworks in Biggleswade and a broken down car in Shefford that was causing “some problems”, they finally got to the 15 mile tailback on the M1 that was a result of an earlier accident and had caused one lane to be shut down.

I tried cutting across country and picking up the motorway further down, but, I wasn’t alone in thinking that would be a good idea and the traffic was just as bad.

I got to Guildford three hours later. That’s an average of 20MPH. Ridiculous.

Next day, I had to go to Brighton. A bit further, at a 100 miles, so I left a bit earlier in the hope of missing the bulk of the rush hour traffic.

Yeah, right.

The familiar sea of red lights stopped me in the same spot as the previous day. Aargh! This time – according Jonny Banal and his “morning crew” – it was all down to a broken-down lorry obstructing the motorway.

Again, I tried going cross-country, but this time it was even worse. Once I reached the M25 though, all was fine and I zipped along, but it had taken me an hour and forty minutes to get there… a journey that I normally do in about 25 minutes.

My journey home from Brighton was also hampered, this time by the closure of the M25 between junctions seven and eight, all due to a…  whatever, I don’t care anymore.

All in all, that day, I spent over eight hours in the car. To do a job that took me only two and a half.


Few things annoy and frustrate me more than sitting in traffic: hours of my life wasting away and there’s bugger all I can do about it.


On a lighter note, Classic FM is giving away a free music download at the moment: Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. Grab it whilst you can.  A very soothing piece that I could probably have done with whilst I sat in all that traffic.

I don’t know how I’m going to get the teeth marks out of the steering wheel.


Skip to comment form

  1. Brennig

    You want to get yourself a motorbike, young Masher.


  2. Masher

    Too cold.

  3. Brennig

    Cold is good. Cold burns fat much quicker than most workouts. So being cold is like having a workout. Sortov. Therefore cold is good for you.

  4. Masher

    Tell that to Captain Scott.

  5. Brennig

    Not many people know this (but it’s true) many of the early polar explorers who didn’t make it died not of the cold, but of vitamin overdose. It was at a time in humanity’s period where we didn’t know about vitamin intake; we didn’t know the horrible damage that too much of any type of vitamin could do. Very many early explorers, when they go to the stage of eating their huskies, gorged on the livers of the dogs. As a result they suffered rapid chronic hair-loss, and their own livers shut down – usually within 48/72 hours.

  6. Masher

    Even so, it was still cold.

  7. Smithy

    I wonder what the huskies would die of if they ate us, sugar overdose! Mrs Masher could knit you some lower peripheral warmers. You take care, mister. P

  8. Masher

    Hi Paul, long time, no… and all that.
    Hope you are well.
    Mrs M knit? We’ve been together twenty-odd years now and I’ve yet to see her sew a button on.
    Anyway, with the size of my lower peripherals, she’d need a hell of a lot of wool [ahem]!

Comments have been disabled.