Last week, Mrs Masher and the little Mashers came to stay with me and so, of course, we spent a night at the Fun Fair.
Mrs M, being a bit of a girly wuss, refused to go on any of the rides, but the kids were up for most of them and a couple of hours of enjoyable screaming was had before my wallet was completely depleted.
One of the rides I really wanted to try was the…. I don’t know it’s name, but you sat in a steel cage/ball, which was strung between two giant elastic bands fitted to a couple of crane arms, which catapulted you up in to the air. But, it was a tenner per person (yes, a tenner!) and it had to have two people in it, for balance. Kids weren’t allowed, not that either of my two were up for that one; a bit too scary.
Harry was keen to ride the Ghost Train though, and so with my last remaining cash, I stumped up three quid for the two of us to go on there. What a load of rubbish! The car went through the doors and into the darkness. At the first corner, a chap in a fluorescent skeleton suit leered out of the shadows and went “Whhoooooo!” At the next corner, someone dressed in a similar skeleton suit was having a bit a nap in the corner. As we passed, he summoned up the energy to raise one arm and let out a rather limp “Boo”. And then we were outside again. Mrs M looked at me in surprise as we climbed out of the car. “Is that it? You’ve only been gone thirty seconds!”
This week, the family had gone home and I was back on my own again, but I was still keen to have a go on the catapulty ball thing. Talking to the manageress of the hotel, it turned out that she too was keen to try it out. Well, she thought she was keen, but wasn’t sure. So, after a little cajoling on my part (“The fair will be gone next week…. this is probably going to be our only chance…” ), she relented and we walked over.
We didn’t have to wait as no-one else was on there, and so climbed straight in. A chap came and strapped us in: four-point harness, an over-the-shoulder roll-bar and a belt on our feet. We couldn’t move. As we lay back, looking up into the sky, my fellow thrill-seeker said “I can’t believe I’m doing this. I think I want to get off.”
I offered words of comfort: “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. It’s all totally sa… HOLYFUCKINGSHHHHIIIIITTTTT!!!!!!” With no word of warning, the sky and the clouds suddenly came speeding toward us. The tips of the crane arms from which we were suspended, disappeared from view as we shot past them. We were suspended motionless for a second as we reached apogee and then we dropped like a stone.
I screamed like a girl as we bounced up and down.
The girl seated next to me did likewise.
We walked back to the hotel, laughing and getting our breath back. “When I get into work tomorrow”, I said, “I’m going to tell all the blokes that I paid ten quid to have a ride with the hotel manageress!”
“Don’t forget to tell them it only lasted two minutes”, she replied.