I’m in a hotel room in Tunbridge Wells… sorry, Royal Tunbridge Wells.
The man in the next room has just had his telly on really, really loud. He turned it off about ten minutes ago, but now there is a strange rumbling noise coming from his room, it rumbles for about ten seconds and is followed by a brief whooshing sound. Then it does it again, about a minute later. Damned if I can figure out what it is. I’ve had my ear to the wall, but it hasn’t helped.
Apart from giving me a cold ear.
[ 5 mins later] The rumbling/whooshing has stopped now and it’s gone very quiet in there.
Anyhoo, did I mention that I’m down in Tunbridge Wells? Working?
I should have been down here Monday too, but a lorry overturned in the 2 inches of snow on the M1 and that caused traffic mayhem for miles around. I couldn’t even get to the motorway in the morning. I tried, God knows I tried, but every road I took was jam packed with cars.
“But you’ve got four-wheel drive,” a colleague helpfully pointed out to me. ” A little bit of snow shouldn’t be a problem for you.”
Well, no, a little bit of snow is certainly not a problem for me. In fact, I’ve rather enjoyed driving in it and putting the 4WD to some use for a change. However, Mr Numptybollocks colleague, driving on snow that is completely covered in unmoving vehicles is a problem, no matter how many of my wheels are driven.
And so, after 90 minutes of frustration, I gave up and went home. Travelling in yesterday was a piece of cake in comparison and to make up for the time I lost on the job, I decided to stay over so I could have a couple of late finishes and early starts.
But why are we so shit – as a nation – at driving in a little bit of snow? I’ve watched cars going up and down our road, tyres spinning frantically as they slide about with no grip. Yes, I’m fortunate enough to have four-wheel drive on my vehicle, but my last car didn’t have it and I never had any problems driving in the snow then. Even the great freeze of 2004 (I think it was), when people ended up spending the night trapped in their vehicles on the M11 due to very sudden ice build-up on the roads, never caused me and my 2WD car any problems. Yes, it slipped around a bit, but I just took it easy and didn’t panic. In fact, the only reason it took me three hours to travel the 18 miles home that evening, was because of all the other idiots out on the roads that just had no idea and were crashing and stalling and blocking the roads.
Let’s face it, if you lot were as good at driving as wot I am, there would be fewer accidents and deaths on the roads and we’d all be able to spend more time at work – thereby pulling the country out of recession – and less time at home watching Bargain Hunt.
So come on, guys, sort yourselves out and learn to drive proper, like me.