Dear Mr Sainsbury,
Yep, it’s me again. I have a couple of things I’d like to whinge about, if you’ll indulge me for just a few minutes.
Of late, I’ve been working from home quite a bit and have made regular daily trips to your store to buy my lunch. Every day – EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. DAY – there has been somebody standing at the entrance, rattling a charity tin in my face as I walk in. Not the same person every day, but a different person, on behalf of a different charity. ”Would you like to help little children with leukaemia?” they ask as I pass by.
“No, thank you”, I say. Which of course, makes me sound really callous. But, of course, they don’t realise that the day before I was helping battered housewives and the day before that I was giving to the orphans and the day before that… All I want to do is to get myself a sandwich and a packet of crisps, for chris’sakes! I’m all for altruism, but this is getting silly. I have to make sure I have four quid on me each time I go: three for my lunch and one for that day’s charity mugger!
Secondly, those blokes you have in the car park, washing people’s cars: if you are going to insist upon having them there, can you not at least ensure that they have some sort of common sense? I drove in the other day, having just returned from getting my car valeted. As soon as I’d parked up, one of the blue-coated chaps was upon me. He looked at my gleaming car and asked me if I wanted it cleaned! What an idiot! But then, I suppose that’s why he is in your car park, cleaning cars and not at the local hospital performing delicate nuerosurgery.
Oh, and you never did get back to me regarding my brilliant idea for the Self Service tills.
Yours sincerely
Mr Masher
Ah, I think I might be to blame for the car washing problem. I think it stems form my driving in with a car so covered in mud and dirt that the original colour is obscured and then when they ask if I would like it washed I tell them it’s fine.
I love you! Those are two of my favourite internal monologue rants and you’ve externalised them. Brilliant! Re the washers of cars, I love riding in on my motorcycle. I can feel the hostile stare of the washers as I cruise in to the motorbike parking bay.
(I am just about to put my wellies and coat on, and drive to Sainsbury’s for my weekly shop. I shall think of you every stop of the way. Erm. Probably. Ummm. Possibly not. But at least I will think of you when I drive in, and also when I walk into the store)
Is there a theme to your February blog-a-thon this year? Out of the ten blogs so far seven of them have been rants!
You are in danger of turning into Victor Meldrew in your old age? Trouble is I agree with most of them too
Dave – Oh, I didn’t know I could blame you! Why didn’t you tell me earlier?
Brennig – I love you too. In a manly, bloggy way.
Graham – I think it comes with age, mate.
I empathise Masher, I truly do. I wrote a post once about the very same thing. I HATE going into the city because I can’t walk down the street without someone wanting me to ‘ save the world’ ‘ save the whale’ ‘ save the beaten donkeys’ ‘ stop circus cruelty’ ‘ barnodos’ ‘ and so on and so on and so on’ do I have a ‘ Big Issue’ YES I DO! Anyway, I’m starting my own charity called ‘NSPS’ ( national society for the protection of shoppers) if you want to join.
Count me in.
Can I be a founder member?
@Juliette, count me in too. Where do I sign up? And can we have away days? And picnics? And and and and…