I had a shower this morning. Nothing too surprising there… it is a Tuesday, after all.
But, annoyingly, I found I had run out of my manly Lynx shower gel – I think Harry used it all for his bubble bath. I don’t mind too much as it was rubbish anyway. We’ve all seen the adverts: men washing and spraying themselves with Lynx and then struggling to get to work as women fall uncontrollably at their feet. Well, I’ve used this stuff for months now and not one female has fallen prostrate before me… apart from that old woman, last week, who tripped on a raised paving stone and fell flat on her face just as I was coming out of the Post Office. Jeez, that was funny.
Anyway. Bereft of any manly shower gel, I hunted along the array of bottles stacked on top of the bathroom cabinet to see what I could use. Mrs Masher had a couple of likely-looking, shower-gel-shaped, plastic bottles there with Radox written on them, so I picked them up and squinted at the labels.
The first contained a fiery red gel and was called Stimulate. “An exhilarating blend of black pepper and ginseng…” said the label. I did a quick double-take to make sure that I was indeed holding some shower gel and not a bottle of Paul Newman’s salad dressing. ”... will help stimulate your body and mind to make you ready to take on the day.”
The second bottle had a light blue gel and was called Relax. “Containing lavender and waterlily to help wash away your day and leave you feeling calm and relaxed.”
OK, one shower gel for the start of the day and one for the end. I’d better not get these mixed up… it could be a disaster!
Carefully, I put the blue bottle back and liberally doused myself in the red stuff.
But, at no point did I feel exhilarated.
And I certainly didn’t feel stimulated!
And once again, no sex-crazed women threw themselves at me throughout the day.
But, at least this time I wasn’t expecting them to.