Driving home from work this morning, there was a pigeon in the road.
Normally, they fly off as you approach them. This one didn’t, so I slowed a little and veered slightly to the right in order to avoid it.
But I think this particular pigeon had suicidal tendancies: it walked straight under my wheel.
I wasn’t sure if I’d actually driven over it or not, at first: a 14 ounce pigeon doesn’t present much of a hindrance to a two-tonne Honda.
I looked in the rear-view mirror to see a cartoon-like flurry of feathers pop into the air, confirming the bird’s demise.
Pulling up outside my house, I went round the front of the car to check for any remnants stuck to the wheels. As I did so, I noticed three evil looking pigeons, sitting on the fence watching me. I think they knew - through some sort of pigeon telepathy - what I’d done.
I fully expect to find my car completely splattered with pigeon poo when I go out later.
That’s pigeonicide what you did. You’ll be shat on forever more.
I hope it wasn’t “Speckled Jim”
You’ll forever be tarnished with the nickname “The Luton Pigeon Murderer”
Annie - You’re probably right. The only way to avoid it will be to kill all of ‘em. Running them over, one at a time, might take a while though.
Arthur - That’s probably one of the better nicknames I’ve been given.
Hmmm… I wonder if they’ll do this with my pigeon.
You’d better not take birds for granted again, because the moment you do, they’ll get you. Oh yes. They will.
My mum once hit a pigeon in a country lane and for the next mile or so saw feathers flying up from the front of the car. Eventually she stopped and my dad got out, reached under the bumber and found the bird wedged underneath. He grabbed it then realised the thing was alive so released it and it flew off rather bald
On related issues:
For decades two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven and approached the statues.
“You’ve been such exemplary statues,” the angel announced to them, “That I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want.” And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly could be heard a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. “You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, “Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I’ll crap on its head!”