Following on from my admission of guilt, I’ve had a nice letter from Thames Valley Police.
It says that because they “… seek to educate and not prosecute…” they are inviting me to attend a Speed Awareness workshop. And all for only 80 quid too.
I shall, of course, attend - OK, it’s 20 sovs more than [...]

The recent story of the young lad in America who committed suicide in front of an internet audience, left me feeling somewhat dismayed that nobody thought to call the authorities until it was too late.
I reckon this was a cry for help on the teenagers’ part… he wanted to be stopped. That’s why he did [...]

Today, I am working in Harrow. South Harrow, to be precise.
It’s been a pain in the arse getting here in the Monday morning traffic.
Parking is terrible and I have had to park several streets away.
The site I am working in, is of the un-manned portakabin variety. It has no running water. It has no toilet [...]

On a Friday morning, I usually stop off at the cafe in the supermarket for half an hour on the way into work and I’ll have myself a second breakfast. Because I can.
This morning I was sitting there eating my toast and trying to read the paper. I say trying, because I was actually far [...]

Ever since my little girl started school, she has suffered with nits.
She’d only been at school for about two weeks before she came home scratching, and since then she has had them pretty regularly.
It costs us a small fortune in treatments and lotions and as her hair is so thick and long, it takes the [...]

I’ve had a letter from the hospital.
It confirms that, finally, after two years and two operations I have achieved Jaffa status.
I waved the piece of paper under Mrs M’s nose, smiling lecherously as I did so.
“That’s marvellous, dear,” she said, smiling back, “I’m going to bed now. I have a headache.”

Don’t know about the rest of you, but I have definitely noticed a recent reduction in the amount of spam dropping into my inbox.
Looks like it may all be due to this.
A brief respite, maybe. Enjoy it while you can.

A brown enveloped missive dropped onto my doormat this morning.
It was from Thames Valley Police, telling me how pleased they are to slap a further three points on my driving licence. Couple that with the Fixed Penalty (is it still sixty quid?) to swell their coffers and I’m sure they must be well chuffed.
I’d been [...]

John Cleese - currently going through a difficult (read expensive) divorce, has stated that marriage licences should be regularly renewed every five years, much like dog licences.
I can visualise the scene now, when he’s asked to present his licence to a magistrate:
M: … but this is a dog licence, with the word Dog crossed out [...]

I’m at work. It’s four o’clock. In the morning.
Sometimes I’m required to do the occasional bit of nightwork. Any thing that is likely to be ‘customer affecting’ needs to be done outside of normal working hours.
I’m in an equipment room in Barnet. The building is completely empty, obviously, save for me and the loud thumping [...]

Not much to report on this. I have received another missive from Mrs Umar stating that her lawyer was currently travelling and would be in touch soon. Somehow I doubt it. Interestingly, she signed the mail as Laura.
I was interested to read this though.
The nub and gist of it - for those of you who [...]

… is today.
I must say that I have been somewhat disappointed with the number of people I have seen wearing a poppy this week - and most specially today. If I had to guess at a figure, I’d say only 1 or 2 percent.  That said, there also seems to have been a lack of [...]

Unfortunately, I think I’ve scared them off.
Following receipt of the email below, I pondered over whether to give some false details - which would probably fail as soon as they looked them up on 192.com, or whatever. In the end, I replied saying that I didn’t trust giving my details over the internet and would [...]

“Blimey” said the good lady wife as we lay on the beach, people-watching, “Look how tight her bikini bottoms are! You can see everything!”
“Where? Where? WHERE?”
“Her, over there. You can even see that she’s had an Hawaiian.”
“A what?”
“You know, she’s had it all shaved off.”
“Ahh, you mean a Hollywood.”
“Oh, right. What’s an Hawaiian then?”
“It’s exactly [...]

On Saturday, I received an email from a Mrs Samura Umar.
The poor woman is suffering from ill health and believes she may not have much longer to live.
Her husband died in 2001 and then her son also tragically died in 2007.
Fortunately, her husband was a successful and wealthy merchant and had secured 28 million dollars [...]