Category Archive: People

Jul 23 2017

Welsh For A Day

Yesterday, was my future brother-in-law’s Stag do. Coming from the valleys – as he does – and being surrounded by us English taking the piss out of him all the time (yakki dar), we all decided to be Welsh… just for one day. To make him feel at home. And so we went to a …

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Jul 03 2017

Another Tom

This weekend – the one just gone – the current Mrs Masher and I went on a cruise. Just a quick one. Down the Thames. And a very pleasant evening it was too. Top notch grub, served and eaten to the sounds of a live jazz band, whilst taking in the sights of London as …

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Jun 13 2017

You know when you come in halfway through a conversation…

… well, that happened to me this morning, as I was flicking through the channels and found two old boys chatting away. OB1: “I struggle with the fingering because of the arthritis in my hands” OB2: “Well funnily enough, I found that my fingering improved my arthritis” And they both continued to talk – oblivious …

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Jun 09 2017

It’s the drink talking

Last night I went to the pub, for one of our regular BT Curry Night get-togethers. It’s the first one I’ve been to for quite a while now: sometimes, by the time I’ve struggled home from work on the motorway(s), I just can’t be bothered to go out again, despite knowing that I’ll have a …

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May 28 2017

McUseless

Here’s an updated picture of Saber. She’s growing quickly now and has settled in nicely. Having had her second set of injections, she can now go out, so we have taken her on short walks… with mixed success. She loves the park, when we get there, but she is not so keen on the walk …

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May 13 2017

Alliterative Arses

Spending the amount of time that I do, driving on the M1 and around the M25, I tend see some terrible driving. I may have mentioned this before. Once. On many occasions, the offenders tend to be young lads in VW Golfs, who think they own the road, but of course, I should mention that …

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May 04 2017

And…..action!

I’ve mentioned before that the business park where I work, has several empty buildings and that a couple of the larger ones are often used for filming – I’m guessing an offshoot from Pinewood, which is just up the road. It’s quite fun when driving into the estate, to see props and the like laying …

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Apr 02 2017

Being social

“Ha ha! Look Dad”, said Amelia, flashing her phone in front of my face for a second, before snatching it away again. “I’ve found my teacher on Instagram.” I cast her one of my ‘not impressed’ looks, as I continued to wash the breakfast things. “You know all that social media crap doesn’t interest me …

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Mar 26 2017

Spring has sprung…

… the grass is riz… It most definitely is, because I cut it yesterday! There are many things to indicate that Spring has arrived: plants; animals; insects, all sticking their heads out. Buzzy bees buzzing around; the daffodils and crocuses (crocii?) in full bloom and an increase in the amount of roadkill littering the lanes, …

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Mar 19 2017

Getting old

Many of the people I work with in the office are of a younger generation. Whilst I’m not yet in my dotage, I have, several times, noticed that I am the eldest in the room, in whatever meeting it is I am attending. Over the past year, the fact that I am older than most …

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Mar 14 2017

To let

The office where I work, is currently having a refurbishment. This has caused quite an upheaval, as whole departments have had to up-sticks and relocate in other parts of the building, whilst their section is being overhauled. It’s like we are playing musical offices, or something. But, everyone is mucking in and sitting on each …

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Feb 26 2017

Hazard

Did you know that it’s actually safe and legal to drive at high speed on the hard shoulder, if it is empty and the three lanes of the motorway are at a standstill, so long as you put your hazard lights on. No, I didn’t know that either. But I know it must be true, because I have seen …

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Feb 24 2017

Happy Friday!

When I worked in cable TV, back in the nineties and early noughties, I spent some time working with Little Jo – so called because her name was Jo… and she was quite short. Little Jo had a similar sense of humour to me and we got on quite well as a result. One day …

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Feb 21 2017

It’s a man thing

Miami Airport is a sprawling mass of buildings and tarmac and terminals and gates. The quickest way to get from one side to the other, is to take the Skytrain – a kind of shuttle that whisks along the outside of the terminuseseses. It’s only a couple of minutes journey, but as I sat there …

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Feb 19 2017

Shaking it all about

Long haul always does my head in. We are home now, and I have just been up to Sainsbury’s to get some essentials. It felt like it was mid-afternoon and I was surprised to see it was only half-past eleven and it’s strange to think that less than 24hrs ago we were on Ocean Drive. …

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Feb 08 2017

Catch me if you can

I often see – on my travels – Loomis, G4 and Securicor (are they still going?) vans with a sign on the back telling the police to follow them. And yet, I have never once seen a police vehicle actually following one of these vans. Or is it a warning to potential bad guys that …

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Feb 04 2017

Hang that bloody DJ

Why do disc jockeys (are they still called that?) play their music so loud? I’m not talking about the ones on the wireless, I’m moaning about the guys who do the music at a family party. Every party I’ve ever been to, the DJ has played the music far too loud. Now, I can (and …

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Feb 01 2017

A Day At The Races

Well, not quite. Earlier this week, I went to Ascot Racecourse. Not to watch the gee-gees (dobbin racing doesn’t interest me in the slightest), but to meet up with several hundred of my peers for a Managers Conference. The Water Board loves a conference. I’ve only been there just over a year now and this is the …

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Jan 08 2017

Dry January

December was quite a hectic month, what with Christmas and New Year’s Eve an’ all. I had three Xmas parties in all, plus a birthday bash, Christmas Day itself and the traditional New Years’ Eve riot at my dad’s house. I probably hadn’t, but, I felt like I’d had more food and drink in one month, than …

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Nov 29 2016

There’s a BAFTA on it’s way, I’m sure of it

Last Friday, I was ‘working’ in that London and so I decided to “let the train take the strain”… that’s an old British Rail advert, as I remember. Anyway, it’s been a while since I travelled into that London by train, for work purposes, and I’d forgotten just how busy it gets, but luckily, getting on …

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Nov 05 2016

Tish Tash

This month is Movember. Yes, I spelt that correctly: Movember. So called, because it calls upon all men to grow a moustache. For charity. Now, I’ve done many things for charity, over the years. I’ve walked and I’ve cycled and I’ve abseiled and I’ve jumped out of aeroplanes. I’ve even sat in a bath of …

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Oct 29 2016

No fun

The phone rang earlier and it it wasn’t a number I recognised. I answered it anyway and was greeted with a few seconds of silence before an Indian voice cut in and introduced himself as Alex from Microsoft. “Excellent, a scammer”, I thought, “Haven’t had one of these for ages.” and I readied myself for …

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Sep 24 2016

Driven to distraction

I spent six and a half hours on the road yesterday. Six and a half hours! I only went to Dartford and back. Six and a half hours to do 120 miles. It would literally have been quicker for me to have gone on my pushbike. Of course, this was all down to stupid people. …

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Aug 06 2016

Honest John’s Motors

The current Mrs M has bought herself a nice new car. This meant that she needed to sell the old one, of course. Not being one to want to faff about with a constant stream of visitors wanting to take test drives, and looking for a quick sale, she thought she’d give WeBuyAnyCar dot com …

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Jul 07 2016

Having a shit

Dropping the kids off at the pool; negotiating the release of some chocolate hostages; bombing Porcelain Harbour; curling one out; taking a dump. It’s a natural bodily function. We all do it (apart from Her Majesty The Queen, of course). It’s nothing to be ashamed of. But we do it in private. Because that’s the …

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Jun 28 2016

28. A Favourite Song From The Last Decade

I got nothing. Again. So… I can’t remember how long it took, but a while later, Jacko was back on his feet and the concert was re-scheduled. Of course, they honoured our original tickets. Mrs M and I duly went along, this time with other members of her family, as the original lot weren’t able …

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Jun 24 2016

24. A Song That I Wish I Could Play On An Instrument

Bearing in mind my complete ineptitude with musical instruments, being able to play almost anything on almost any instrument would be a bonus. In fact, I’d be quite happy, even if I learnt to play just this with any degree of complexity. As it is, I taught myself how to play the start of it …

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Jun 19 2016

19. A Song I Listen To When I’m Sad

I don’t do that. So, instead I shall tell you about my penultimate concert attendance. Back in 1992, the late Michael Jackson played Wembley Stadium. The social club at BT managed to get tickets at greatly reduced prices and so I bought half a dozen and when the date finally arrived, myself, Mrs M, her sister, brother-in-law …

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